When I think about the practice of the Dudjom Tersar Ngondro I am overwhelmed with gratitude. For my precious Teacher Lama Sonam Tsering Rinpoche who patiently and perfectly guides me and for his ceaseless blessings. For Shakyamuni Buddha and Guru Rinpoche and Yeshe Tsogyal and this profound lineage. 

For Lama Tharchin Rinpoche and HH Dudjom Pema Shepa Rinpoche. For the teachings of Tulku Thadral Rinpoche. Lama Sam Bercholz, and Amy Green. For the powerful presence of Tulku Jamyang Rinpoche. For all those who serve us in the Ngondro Program. Sonam, Stefan, Regina, Lama Freddy, Matthew and everyone else whose names I don’t know.

For the existence of Vajrayana Foundation and the Sangha who are there serving, and supporting. Jaffa, Cy, Becky and all the others. It is a wish fulfilling jewel of blessings for everyone, everywhere. For every precious Teacher and Lama and Dharma family member who were integral on my long journey to even being able to begin Ngondro.  And for my partner Helga who adjusted her life and encouraged and supported me in countless ways. 

I feel so unbelievably fortunate to have met this profound path. 

There were many many times I wondered if I would ever complete the accumulations. Where I doubted my capacity. Where I allowed injuries in the body to throw me off of schedule. Where I had to face a sense of my own unworthiness and negative views about who I was. Where discouragement was painfully present. 

But despite how much I struggled with Ngondro. Despite how long it took me to complete the accumulations, the fruit of this practice has been a quiet, healing revolution which slowly continues to unfold. 

The only advice I could share with you would be a paraphrasing of the perfect guidance received from Lama Sonam Rinpoche. Which keeps me putting one foot in front of the other day in and day out as best I can.

Just do your best every day to practice as much as you healthily can. Forget about when you will finish, just practice. Practice nicely, which means to practice wholeheartedly. Keep compassion present in your heart throughout your practice. Have a mind which always reaches out to others. Don’t allow your mind to just wander wherever it wants. From the moment you sit down, look into your heart center. Never separate from the Three Jewels. Always be praying to Guru Rinpoche. We are practicing to become omniscient Buddhas, let’s start with remembering where we put our keys. Allow yourself to be happy.  

The Lamas and Ngondro guides regularly say, forget about the numbers, just practice. This was not advice I was easily able to put into practice. Because on one hand it seems like the practice is very much about the numbers. But actually, the numbers are just the framework which allows us to build a strong and deep foundation. 

When obstacles would come, as they regularly do, I was reminded again and again to contemplate and integrate the Four Thoughts. 

In the beginning, hearing another teaching on the Four Thoughts I would think to myself – Oh not this again! I know this already! But of course I didn’t, I only thought I did. My continuing attempt to understand and integrate the Four Thoughts, along with attempting to maintain a compassionate intention has been crucial to continuing when I didn’t want to. 

So my heartfelt advice would be to please follow the advice of these precious sublime Lamas and Ngondro Guides who we are unbelievably fortunate to have access to. Go to the teachings. Reflect on the teachings. And turn your mind again and again to how fortunate we are to have this opportunity and how immensely valuable the Holy Dharma is. And just never give up. There will always be something else to do other than practice. The list will never be completed. If you’ve stopped practicing, begin again, begin now. We have to find a way to prioritize practice without neglecting our other responsibilities. And allow practice and our whole life to merge. So our life and our practice aren’t two different things.

As I’m about to turn fifty I am starting to understand the teachings on impermanence in a  different way. A little less abstract. It’s already all gone by so fast. There is nothing more valuable than practice. Karma is undeniable, and samsara is an ocean of dukkha. May we continue to use this precious human rebirth to its fullest potential. 

Ngondro is a lifelong practice which doesn’t end when we fulfill the accumulations. And without a doubt I am still a prisoner of my own confusion. But what this practice has given me cannot easily be put into words.  

It took me roughly ten years to complete Ngondro. Some say that this is a long time. I don’t know. It’s just how long it took me. What I do know is that the ten years would have gone by anyway. Better ten years than never.  I am very grateful for every moment I was able to choose practice, and this is entirely due to the blessings of Lama Sonam Rinpoche and this profound lineage.

Thank you and much love,
Pema