Testimonial for the Dudjom Tersar Ngondro Program by Louise Carroll

Dear Sangha, 

Hi there from the East Coast of Australia. I was requested to write a testimonial after finishing the Ngondro Accumulations practicing the Concise Dudjom Tersar Ngondro. It took me 5 years. I entered the Vajrayana Foundation Dudjom Ngondro Program after an online Ngondro Retreat in 2021. I had been studying and practicing Buddhism since 1998 and had attempted Ngondro in another tradition but dropped out due to lack of support. I feel so blessed to have met with the Dudjom Lineage and the Vajrayana Foundation Ngondro Program at Pema Osel Ling. 

The journey has been an incredible blessing and there were many challenges along the way. One particular challenging memory was when I was doing prostrations, I got a frozen shoulder so I started doing circumambulations. Then I got a problem with my foot and could not walk! It turns out this was a big gift to me as my ego was thinking I was a failure if I could not do it right. I had a lot of pride in being tough and doing the prostrations! Over the past 5 years of practicing the Ngondro accumulations, I have let go of a lot of perfectionism and self criticism and am now a lot more kind to myself. I don’t think there could have been any other way to work with what seems my “unworkable” Ego. Of course that is still a work in progress! However, without Ngondro I know my afflictive emotions would have so much more hold on me. 

I found the online retreats run by the Vajrayana Foundation at Pema Osel Ling was fantastic support …I took part in the retreat online for 3 years in a row.  I also read extensively from “Words of my Perfect Teacher” , “Cascading Waterfall of Nectar” and “Torch Lighting the Way to Freedom”. I would also listen to the Questions & Answers recordings with Tulku Thadral Rinpoche from the program as it was hard for me to show up live due to the time zone differences. 

I also did my own retreats to deepen my practice and knowledge. The first retreat was a 3 month home retreat in 2021 where I did the Ngondro and listened to Lama Tharchin Rinpoche’s complete teaching on the Dudjom Ngondro. I also did a few other retreats, one was a 5 week solitary retreat in New Zealand where I think the cracks of the retreat hut may still have grains of rice stuck in them from all the mandala offerings. The retreats really helped deepen my study and practice and to accumulate the numbers. Day to day, I was always carrying my mala with counters and a little book that I kept tally of my accumulations. I still carry my mala and accumulations book to practice as I go about travelling or having to wait for appointments etc. 

I am so grateful for the meetings with Choying Wangmo (Regina) every now and then, as her support was priceless. Without it, I can honestly say, I may not have finished as the resistance in me was often strong. I would email her if I reached a milestone and she would always email back “keep going”! So this is what I did and how I finished the accumulations….I kept going. I am glad I did as the gifts are so great ….  Having the accumulations meant I could train in letting go of continually looking to get the “quick fix” my ego always was looking for. Saying the four thoughts every day really does turn my mind to Truth when I get carried away by my afflictive emotions. 

I still continue to practice the Concise Dudjom Tersar Ngondro every day and I want to do it as it is such a great support. It may seem weird but finishing the accumulations feels like I am just beginning, and I am grateful. 

May it be of benefit 🙏🏽